No matter how much we want a change, and know deep down that we need it, it’s the finality, the closed door of imagining an ending that causes us to pace back and forth before we start heading towards a major change in our lives. In a work of fiction, it’s the point early on in the story where the hero debates whether he should go on the stupid quest in the first place. It’s the point where Frodo realizes that that darned ring sounds like more trouble than it’s worth. That metal door that scrapes shut in your mind sounds too permanent and too irreversible.
In reality, we take so- called endings more seriously than they should be. That’s not to say that they’re a joke or they should be taken lightly. It’s that when we look at them, we give them entirely too much weights in our minds. Yes, endings do require us to disengage in what we do and where we are, and they are often born of disenchantment and usually lead to disorientation. In the most extreme examples, we feel as if we’ve lost our identity or a frame of reference to hang onto. Just like Luke stumbling into the Cantina the first page, we feel woozy and overwhelmed.
The good news is that these feelings aren’t a hint from the universe that we’ve just made a bad decision and we should scurry back to the desert where we came from. Instead, it’s a way to tell our nervous systems that we’re taking in new information and that we’re going to be faced with something new. Just like when you’re weight training and you add weights or reps, it’s a signal that you’ve got a add some more effort as a response.
The problem is that the disorientation is so novel for most of us that we interpret it in a negative light, and use it as a convenient excuse to turn back to where we came from. Instead of moving through the transition, we use the nature of the transitions as a reason to not transcend. And we abort our own self growth as a result.
And the disorientation has a productive effect on us, as well. Instead of being a signal to stop all activity, it’s a signal to stop doing whatever we’ve been doing up to that point. That Neutral Zone that you find yourself in is a place to stop thinking of who you are, who you have been and start thinking in terms of what you’re changing into and what you’ll eventually be. That uncertainty is what allows for creation and change, not reflection and fear that should scare you away.
